The constant disappointment of audition after audition is beginning to get to me. My hopes are being dashed all the time and I am finding that I don’t even hope anymore. Is it time to quite the biz?

This can be among the greatest challenge for the writer, actor or producer. The treadmill of going out on a limb with your pitch, or script, or your read on a scene – in emotional terms, making yourself vulnerable – and then being told “no” – being rejected just as you are at your most vulnerable – is hard. The hope is that perhaps this is the one, perhaps finally I’ll get off the treadmill and be accepted as a player… or at least know where my next paycheck is coming from.

It is the cycle of vulnerability and rejection that ultimately gets to even those who work regularly (although even those who do work can be impacted by the unpredictability). Hope is the essence of vulnerability – hope believes in the possibility of a different outcome. Therefore, we can try again. However, the pain of the rejection can’t help but take its toll on hope, and therefore on your ability to stay in the game.

In a way, many people have a relationship with Hollywood that is like an abusive relationship we can’t get out of even though we seem to understand intuitively that we’d be better off without it. But it’s not necessarily Hollywood you’d be better off without – it’s the emotional roller coaster, or treadmill, or cycle of hope and rejection.

As with an abusive relationship, if you’re going to remain in relationship with Hollywood, you will need to become emotionally strong – “I can continue my relationship with Hollywood and derive the benefits from doing so because I know how to protect myself from the punches.”

Whatever you decide, you need to fortify yourself for the short term. You will need to develop reserves of hope in other areas of your life in order to cushion the blows in your career. Further, you will need to consider whether your only hope is in career success. On some level, you may believe that you will not be worthy as a human being until you are a Hollywood player. This is a lie, but one that it is difficult to protect ourselves from in this town. Many unhealthy people unconsciously seek Hollywood careers due not to talent, desire or call but in order to compensate (they hope!) for their unhealthy self-esteem or feelings of rejection.

In addition to self-esteem and boundary work (which may require a therapist’s help), you’ll need to remain grounded in your devotional life and be certain your self-worth is coming from your value in the eyes of God, and not from the feedback you’re getting in your career. You will need healthy peer relationships to which you can retreat to heal between blows.

Only you can determine the individual benefits of continuing the pursuit. For many people, there is a tipping point. At what point does the cost or risk outweigh any possible return? At what point can I no longer tolerate the short-term cost in hopes of an elusive long-term gain?

There is no magic formula for deciding whether to remain in pursuit of your entertainment goals or to begin defining and pursuing alternate goals. However, if you devote some sustained energy into your emotional and spiritual health, it is likely that the decision whether to stay or go will make itself clear in time.

Who is our Therapist?
Joanne Weidman, MFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and former "Development-girl". A graduate of PennStateUniversity and Fuller Theological Seminary, she is on staff at La Vie Counseling Center in Pasadena. Email Joanne with questions or comments at joanneweidman@yahoo.com