Question: I’ve been working 80-100 hours a week on set and I had two days off last week and I didn’t know what to do with myself… I was nervous and fidgety and restless. I was supposed to be on vacation and I didn’t feel like I got any rest. What’s wrong with me?

I recently read an article called The Precarious Present, the title of which seems to well summarize this common dilemma. Your days off are precarious not only because they can be few and far between, but when our bodies and our minds are accustomed to such a crazy pace we can’t relax enough to observe a moment – to really slow down and be present. This can be complicated by the caffeine-fueled-ness of our work lives.

In addition, you are also up against a common dilemma of anxiety. You have so much invested in those days off – expectations of sleep, relaxation, perhaps the chance to connect with friends or family – with the specter of another 80-hour week looming on day three. You can’t afford NOT to rest, see a couple movies and spend quality time with loved ones – not to mention pay the bills, do the laundry, and clean the bathroom. This sets up a classic performance anxiety that can complicate the inability to physiologically unwind – the fear that I won’t accomplish these critical goals.

So you are facing a situation in which you can’t slow down either physically or emotionally. In part, this is because as humans we aren’t designed to handle this sort of imbalance in our lives. When you are trained to be highly alert at all times, you can’t just turn that off. (The issues returning servicemen face in their civilian re-entry is an extreme example. How can you be in a situation in which you are prepared to kill or be killed one day and participate peacefully in family life the next, without having significant difficulties?)

All this is to say that there is nothing wrong with YOU, as you fear. As humans we’re not designed to turn off and on in such extreme ways. You’re responding exactly the way a healthy human being should in a high stress situation -- you remain on high alert even as the stress passes. This is one reason that burnout and relationship issues are common among those who do crew work. You can’t do this forever.

Nevertheless, there are a few disciplines you can observe to make the transition easier now. On the last day prior to your days off, limit caffeine intake as much as possible, to make sleeping easier. You may want to consider consulting with your doctor about whether a prescription sleeping medication may help you on those nights. On your days off, develop a different routine for yourself – a psychological demarcation line – to signal to your mind and body that this is not a high-alert day. This could mean you begin the day by going out to breakfast, or taking a jog, or doing something that promotes well-being and clearly states “this is not a regular work day.” Finally, you will need to be disciplined enough to limit your goals for your days off. Pick a few important ones – sleep well, see one good film, have one good meal out with a friend, and do one load of laundry – to help eliminate the performance anxiety.

Who is our Therapist?
Joanne Weidman, MFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and former "Development-girl". A graduate of PennStateUniversity and Fuller Theological Seminary, she is on staff at La Vie Counseling Center in Pasadena. Email Joanne with questions or comments at joanneweidman@yahoo.com